As we search for the delicious life we crave, we’ve looked at our time, our money, our relationships and our selves. So what should we do if we don’t like what we see?
We can’t be proactive or solve problems if we’re stuck refusing to accept reality. The word “should” is a huge stumbling block for us in this area! When we say things “should” be a certain way, we’re focusing on the problem rather than the solution.
Consider your money. Maybe the reality is that you spend $300 a month at coffee shops, and you don’t put any money into savings. You can accept the reality: I choose to buy coffee instead of saving money. Or you can get bogged down in “shoulds.”
I really should be making more money.
I should be able to treat myself to coffee.
I should be saving money but I don’t have enough.
I know I should spend less on coffee, but it’s the best part of my day.
I should be spending money on coffee because I work in coffee shops.
When we fail to accept reality, we waste our time and our emotional energy.
Facing and accepting reality has nothing to do with judging ourselves or others. So what if you spend $300 a month on coffee! Why beat yourself up? There’s no value to that. It won’t get you a penny back. And there’s no need to judge others either. Maybe your partner agreed to make coffee in the morning, but always forgets. You could beat him up and shame him, or you could accept that it just isn’t going to happen and release him from the obligation. Get a coffee maker that operates on a timer instead, or find another solution.
Even when it’s unpleasant, accepting reality is the first step to changing it.
One aspect that makes acceptance easier is that we are doing the assessment ourselves. It’s one thing to say, “I spend too much money on coffee,” and another thing entirely for your mother/husband/frenemy to say, “You waste so much money on Starbucks!” We don’t need to judge ourselves. We can simply look at the amount in our budget that goes to coffee and decide if it’s the right number. If not, we accept it and move forward.
Once we accept reality, we are free to continue it or change it.
In our society’s constant focus on improvement and change, it’s easy to forget that sometimes it’s OK to just be different/imperfect/indulgent. Maybe that $300 of coffee each month is something you want to keep. If you also want to put money into savings, look at other areas of your budget that could be trimmed.
Stop and consider what YOU want.
Do you want to lose weight, or do you just think you should?
Do you want to work out, or do you just think you should?
Do you want to buy organic produce, or do you just think you should?
Do you want to be a ____ kind of mom, or do you just think you should?
For help answering these questions, schedule a FREE one hour phone call with me!