Boundary Myth 2
“Boundaries Are a Sign of Disobedience.” (Cloud and Townsend, pg 109).
Part of the resistance to your change will be people accusing you of rebellion or disobedience. This is a peculiarly Christian problem. When we refuse to help out, volunteer, donate, or participate we feel guilty, as though a “good Christian” would’ve said yes. But the problem lies in the fact that if we don’t feel free to say no, then we certainly aren’t saying yes authentically. Our yes is at odds with our own person, and so we will actually feel rebellion and resentment even while we follow through.
Boundaries are not a sign of disobedience: they are a sign of obedience to something greater than. When I cease to volunteer at church, it’s not because I don’t support the leaders: it’s because I recognize a need to spend church time sitting with my family instead of behind a projector. My boundary setting signals my obedience to my role as wife and mother.
Part of the problem is that we often don’t know what our priorities are – we elevate all our commitments to the same level, and so we don’t know when to say no. If church, family, friends, children, neighbors, housework, and exercise are all equally important, we tend to neglect the ones that affect us personally, because then we’re not hurting anyone else. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you’ll know exactly how I feel about that! If you need help clarifying your boundaries, give me a call! Schedule a free 15 minute clarity call today.