Boundary Myth 8

Are boundaries permanent? 99% of the time they are not. Consider a romantic relationship. The boundaries of the first date are infinitely different from the boundaries of the 50th date. And the boundaries shift again during the honeymoon, and again after the birth of a child. Yet we often believe that boundaries are permanent, and that setting them will destroy relationships by burning bridges.

burning-bridgesWell, I have some bad news. Occasionally setting boundaries will burn bridges. But that’s not because the boundaries are permanent. People dislike change, and sometimes they simply will not stay in a relationship where they cannot dominate or control the other person.

So should you avoid setting boundaries because you fear the loss of relationship? It depends. Generally speaking, however, a relationship that cannot endure healthy boundaries is not one worth keeping.