Clarity in Darkness

Clarity in Darkness

We all fear the dark, whether it be literal darkness or emotional darkness. But as I add years to my experience, I learn that the darkness of suffering is a gift.

July, 2002. I watched an ex boyfriend playing with some cute little kids and felt the death of my dream: that I would one day be married to him and have a brood of babies.

February, 2005. I looked into a problem I never expected to face, a problem with no answer, and felt the death of yet another dream.

September, 2011. I looked down at my crying baby, freshly nursed, diapered and burped, unable to sleep, and I cried too. My tears were an unstoppable waterfall and I saw no way out.

September, 2015. I looked at my business finances and client accounts and lost all hope of success.

The darkness of suffering is a gift of clarity. Without the distractions of hope, plans, wishes, or beginnings, there is nothing left but desire. That one desire shines in the darkness clearly.

In 2002 I discovered my desire to be whole and complete all by myself: without any boyfriend, partner, or children.

In 2005 I discovered the real reason I had gotten married: because I loved my husband and wanted to be with him on whatever terms possible.

In 2011 I discovered that in order to be a good mother, I had to take care of my soul first.

This month, in the darkness of entrepreneur discouragement, I looked at my career and realized my core desire: to help others through my words.

No matter what I do with my business, my whole life has always been about helping others. All my training has focused on how to help others: with their computer, with their building additions, in the aftermath of sexual assault, in spiritual crises, in pain management, in life challenges.

I am a life coach.

I am a spiritual guide.

I am a writer.

Who are you when the darkness comes?

Insomnia

 

5 Replies to “Clarity in Darkness”

  1. Thank you for sharing – the darkness is never a fun place to be but it is so much easier to see the light from there. Acceptance and understanding often are the keys to finding the way out.

    1. You’re welcome, Kathryn! And thanks for the encouragement. It’s true: accepting where I am gives me the peace and calm to see clearly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *