We all fear the dark, whether it be literal darkness or emotional darkness. But as I add years to my experience, I learn that the darkness of suffering is a gift.
July, 2002. I watched an ex boyfriend playing with some cute little kids and felt the death of my dream: that I would one day be married to him and have a brood of babies.
February, 2005. I looked into a problem I never expected to face, a problem with no answer, and felt the death of yet another dream.
September, 2011. I looked down at my crying baby, freshly nursed, diapered and burped, unable to sleep, and I cried too. My tears were an unstoppable waterfall and I saw no way out.
September, 2015. I looked at my business finances and client accounts and lost all hope of success.
The darkness of suffering is a gift of clarity. Without the distractions of hope, plans, wishes, or beginnings, there is nothing left but desire. That one desire shines in the darkness clearly.
In 2002 I discovered my desire to be whole and complete all by myself: without any boyfriend, partner, or children.
In 2005 I discovered the real reason I had gotten married: because I loved my husband and wanted to be with him on whatever terms possible.
In 2011 I discovered that in order to be a good mother, I had to take care of my soul first.
This month, in the darkness of entrepreneur discouragement, I looked at my career and realized my core desire: to help others through my words.
No matter what I do with my business, my whole life has always been about helping others. All my training has focused on how to help others: with their computer, with their building additions, in the aftermath of sexual assault, in spiritual crises, in pain management, in life challenges.
I am a life coach.
I am a spiritual guide.
I am a writer.
Who are you when the darkness comes?