Relational Advice

“All you can do is keep your motives pure. If you do offend, you’ve likely hit on something they need to look at – in which case you’ve done a good deed.” Joy Behar

This advice is so important for relationships. Often there is a need or desire to confront someone, and your own motivations for confrontation are essential. If your motives aren’t pure, the person you confront will probably sense that. Why is this a problem? Because it gives the person a rationalization to avoid dealing with the true issue.

I am not the kind of person who is eager to confront. I tend to avoid confrontation whenever I can. However, there are times when I definitely want to tell a person what’s what. And that’s when I have to pause and consider my motives. If I’m acting out of anger, desire for revenge, or desire to punish, my motives aren’t pure. Then I face a choice: deal with my motivations so that I can act with purity, or don’t confront. Both options are valid.

What is a pure motive? One that exists in the context of love. Love is active, seeking the well-being of others, and when you speak in love, your words are powerful. If I cannot get to a place of love for the person I’m confronting, I choose silence.